Saying no has never been a strength of mine. *grin* I grew up a people pleaser and am slowly learning how to grow out of that unhealthy attachment to others’ opinions.
All that matters is God’s opinion of me. All that matters are His priorities.
Or… so I tell myself as I say “yes” to yet another request for help.
And all of a sudden, I find that I am up to my eyeballs in responsibilities and “good things” I’ve taken on. I’m looking at my to-do list and my heart begins to panic just a bit. Breathe… just breathe, I remind myself. 
As I was playing a game with my younger son today, he kept finding matches. I kept randomly turning over the same cards. My mind was obviously not on the present, but on … oh dear…. the l o n g list of things that need my attention.
Life is so full. But where do we find God? In the present.… not in “the list”…. turn a card, turn a card, turn a third…
….. need to head over to tidy up the unruly yard at the rental house… and the stray momma kitty in our guest room needs attention… … oooh, yes… nesting boxes…. need to get them in there so she has somewhere safe and comfy to give birth… my hubby just reminded me that we said ‘yes’ to caring for our friends’ dog in a month’s time. All of a sudden I have unsettling visions of 5 kittens + momma cat + our own kitty cat + border collie in one space…. probably need to send my cat to my parents’ house for a “holiday”….
My turn here. Ok, concentrate… he’s beatin’ the pants off me… so if I find God in the present, why does my mind choose to dwell on the list? …. One card, another card, a third card…. no match….
…I should have asked more questions before signing him up for tball on Saturdays for the summer. It’s more of a commitment than either my husband or I wanted to make… (sigh) During the recent worship ministry meeting I was reminded of how I need to be more diligent at taking things off our worship pastor’s overloaded plate… need to step it up there…. and … my commitment to the prayer ministry team? I need to reserve time in order to help others hear from God and get hearts healed…
Service to the Lord is good. Good… but what is it that God is truly calling me to? I need time to sit and listen for His voice, for His priorities, His best…. card, card, card…. no match…
…there are those herbs, still sitting in a mortar on the counter, awaiting more pounding and grinding in the granite bowl…. and dishes…. oh my… how is it that the dishes seem to multiply and never end despite several washings a day? … I did vacuum the rug yesterday, did I not? It already looks as though it needs it again… this unexpected burst of spring weather means the summer clothing bins are a mess… bins that have been pillaged for a tshirt or a pair of shorts for the glorious weather outside… clothing strewn about in the laundry room…. hmmm… thinking of clothing, the mending pile grows in a heap at the bottom of my bed while the winter coats lie in a pile at the bottom of the stairs awaiting washing…. need to sort through outgrown summer clothing and get it to BFM…
The never ending chores. It reminds me of that verse when Jesus tells the disciples that they will always have the poor…. we will always have the chores… *grin*… so where should my priorities lie then? Col 3:2 reminds me to set my mind on things above, not on earthly things… card, card, card….
…and what should my role, my contribution be towards women’s ministry? … my small group continues to bat around ideas about women’s ministry that is sadly lacking at the present time in our church. We want to provide a place for other women to find community with each other and also with their loving Father who calls to them daily… again, what is God saying to me about this? My plate feels full… like, tipping-over-full right now…. the sheets that I printed out for our household binder… how many weeks ago did I do that and not get any further in putting it together??….or my best intentions of creating a more whole-food-less-sugar diet in our household…
And then all those other projects that sit mockingly on my to-do list after to-do list where I keep adding them (again) because they are not yet done… I need exercise… and tea time with hubby… time to plan for school… And I just yesterday received a letter from our local homeschool group that has asked for others to come forward and give time – they need help…. I need to help there, don’t I, Lord?
I need to listen to His voice for His priorities for my life. Isn’t this the most important priority? And in order to listen to His voice, I need time. I need to carve that time out because it is completely necessary, absolutely crucial to listening to Him.
Deut.30:20 … and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land …
Heart Murmurs 