When the prayer is not answered

Dear God,

I’ve run out of faith it seems, for the miracle that we have been wanting. I’ve run out of encouragement after trying program after program, after months of interrupted sleep, after years of praying…. with no results.

I’m just being honest here, God. I know that I can be honest with you. I know that you welcome my doubts, my fears, my honesty. Even when it looks like a lack of faith.

Forgive me, God, for my lack of faith. In my heart, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the miracle worker. I see story after story in the Old and New Testament of your wonders and miracles. I still believe that you can change this in an instant, God! But faith without works is dead, right?

I’m not sure I have the energy for more works, Lord.

I’m discouraged. I have no steam left, no prayer words left. It feels like they’ve all been said. The declarations of healing died on my lips a few years back. I’m cynical of another program that promises a change. I’m tired of professionals offering their help… and then fading away quietly as no change occurs. I’m tired of interrupted nights.

God, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do to hold the faith. It’s just where I’m at.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand why some prayers seem to go unanswered, even though it seems like they are within your will.

I have to believe that there is a bigger picture here that I am not seeing. Otherwise, all I am faced with is my failure to pray, to declare, to believe…. I am faced with my unbelief.

I know what your Word says, Lord: healing, wholeness, freedom, abundant life. This is not what we have seen {yet}. But I know that you never fail us.

I know that you are good. I know that you love us beyond measure. And I still know that your will is for freedom and healing. I know it.

And I know that you are with me in this space of unanswered prayer. You are here as I wrestle with my thoughts that seem to lack faith. You are with me when my words and thoughts just turn to tears. It is all prayer to you.