Yesterday I was wounded right in the heart.
I literally felt raw… vulnerable…
and completely and totally stunned and sideswiped by a friends’ comments about me. She didn’t know I had heard because she hadn’t intended to have me hear them.
I wanted to withdraw in order to lick my wounds. Except that I couldn’t quite reach them. But I knew Someone who could.
I went to my heavenly Father, knowing that he specializes in heart wounds.
I looked at the picture of Jesus on my wall, right in the eyes, before drifting off to sleep.
“Jesus… you know how I feel. You too, have been wounded, dreadfully wounded by your friends. In your hour of greatest need, they fled in order to save their own skins. A few hours later, you even overheard one of them deny completely that he even knew you… That must have hurt terribly.”
I knew that Jesus understood a great hurt by a friend, a betrayal.
I also looked at the Scripture that I had written down that morning. God had known what I would face during my day and I wondered in hindsight, how these words applied to my situation:
1 Cor.2:12-13, 16 We have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words…. But we have the mind of Christ.
I have the Spirit who is from God. The spirit of the world says one thing…but the Spirit says something different.
I understand what God has freely given me. God has given me complete reconciliation to him through his Son. He has reached down when I was at my worst and offered me grace. He offered forgiveness for all the crap things I have done. All of them. And there is no way to repay God for such a debt.
I am not to speak in words taught me by human wisdom. Because those words are not good enough. Even if they are “nice”, even if they are “good” words, there is something greater: words taught by the Spirit.
Yes, I wanted to speak out words not in my own human wisdom, but in words of the Spirit. (I didn’t have those words quite yet.)
But also I have been given the mind of Christ. And what is the mind of Christ like?
I believe the mind of Christ is one stayed on things eternal, focussed on the Father and the will of the Father. And what is the will of the Father? I believe it to be healing, hope and reconciliation.
This morning I again picked up my Bible to help me deal with the fall out from yesterday. This is the verse I found:
2 Cor.2:5-11: If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me [Paul] as he has grieved all of you, to some extent – not to put it severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him…. And what I have forgiven – if there was anything to forgive – I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
Yikes-a-bunga. Yowie, powie! This must have been written about a similar situation…. over 2000 years ago! And in those words I did realize the suffering of my friend. For after she realized her error, she truly was overcome with incredible sorrow. I knew because she left me a phone message, and an email (which I was not quite ready to listen to/read yet in the painful space I found myself in). I had my answer of what I had to do: forgive.
Forgive as Christ forgave me.
When Jesus forgave, did He say, “If you.……..then I’ll forgive you”? No.
He cried out from the cross, in the greatest agony a human being has suffered, in his hour of darkest darkness: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”
I have the mind of Christ. I have the Spirit of Christ within. I needed to forgive, no holds barred.
May this be a reminder to us all, me included, about how words can wound. May we choose our words carefully. May they be words full of grace, full of love. May we not speak maliciously behind others’ backs, not even in our minds. May we instead think the best of others. When we have those nasty thoughts, perhaps that could be our reminder to bless that person instead.
I believe this story is not yet over. There is another chapter to be written….