Fighting inadequacy

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The feeling comes upon me as I stand with her. She stands so confidently, so sure of what she is doing. So… experienced in this.

Me? Not so much. Just starting to step out in this area and it feels scary.

I swallow my fear and begin anyway.

But after we wrap up, mocking thoughts begin to hit me: “Pfff… what do you call that?”     “Maybe you don’t belong here… with them. After all, they know what they’re doing….”

My throat feels tight. I sweat a bit. I remove myself quickly from the space, feeling the need to escape any ‘constructive criticism’ that might come my way.

The feelings continue to plague me for the rest of the afternoon. I mull, I ponder, I fret.

But then I think “What if those thoughts are lies?”  What if those feelings of inadequacy, of incompetency and uncertainty, what if those are not the truth?

Quietly… prayer on my lips, I whisper that I reject those lies. I reject those feelings. I want to know the Truth. And so I ask Jesus to reveal the Truth to me.

And then I sit… and I listen. I listen for that still, small voice that I know belongs to the Good Shepherd.

He answers. He fills my spirit with the Truth. And my spirit soars!

2 Cor.3:4  Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent ministers of a new covenant – not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

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4 responses »

  1. Funnily enough I had similar thoughts this morning watching the three of you. “What in the world makes me think I’m qualified to do what they (or specifically) he does?” to then be reminded that the call is to lead others – not to be perfect at it, not to be better than anyone else but to help, to provide the necessary elements for others.

    For the record, I think you rocked it.

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