For the hard {hormonal} days

My stoic heart feels like it is staltering and faltering. Sometimes I feel as though the job that God has asked me to do is just too hard.  On days when tears fly rampant around the kitchen, when grumpiness is bigger than happiness, and I forget to count the blessings because they don’t seem very evident, the teasing seems incessant, voices rise in anger and I can’t seem to get hold of the situation that we find ourselves in, it is hard not to want to quit my day job. I call my husband to vent at lunch time, after locking the doors with the kids outside. I just need 5 minutes. Just 5. To catch my breath… to breathe…. to get fresh perspective. To listen for God’s wisdom in the moment….

A verse came to mind from Isaiah, one a friend gave to me one time during a time of exhaustion and struggle in the trenches of motherhood:

Isaiah 40:11   He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Isn’t this a beautiful picture of God? So tender…         And thank goodness God is gently leading me, as I strive to lead my little entourage of young ones. Because I cannot do this on my own, especially on days like today.

We are members of an upside down kingdom. God has blessed some with the job of motherhood. It is no glamorous affair, motherhood. And yet, Jesus says that the most amazing people in His kingdom happen to be the little ones. Doesn’t this make the job of mothering (parenting) one of the most crucial jobs ever?

{For those who don’t have children of their own, I apologize for not reaching you where you are at. This great article by John Piper has a raft of wonderful Scripture regarding children and how important they were to Jesus. {http://www.christianity.com/11541600/} Perhaps this article or the above-mentioned verse about helping little ones on their way can apply to different contexts in your own life? Like mentoring others younger in the faith, for example? Or hosting a safe place for teens to hang once a week?}

And it’s hard not to question when many people do not see my choice to home educate in the same way as I do.

1.  “So… do you find that just being home is… um… enough for you?”

2.  “That’s a luxury to be able to stay at home!”

Some people see it as: “just staying home”  “not enough” (on an intellectual level) or  “a luxury” (yes, you should just see how often I sit and enjoy a magazine and paint my toes in a week!)

I have a longer term perspective. There are many reasons, but I see it as creating time and space for the needs of my kids. I see it as educating their hearts, as well as their minds.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, sometimes I feel like I don’t have the patience. Yes, some days I wish the shrill voices would stop calling my name, just so that I could have 5 minutes of peace to myself. Some days I feel that God has given me a job that is just too hard for me. But that is when I have to lean hard into God and lean with all my might, because my own strength is failing. And I believe that is where God wants me to be. Leaning into Him with all my might, so that it might be His strength that girds my weakness, so that I might not boast in anything, certainly not my own strength or abilities.

Though my heart and strength may fail, you O God, are my strength and my portion forever.  Ps.73:26