Yesterday I felt quite discombobulated.
It was a mixture of getting back from 10 days away, dealing with tired children, not being able to do what I needed to do, a messy house, and the uncertainty of what needed to be done immediately, as opposed to what could (possibly) wait a few days.
This morning was a new day, my energy was renewed, kids seemed more settled and I knew what I wanted to get accomplished.
I zipped through my day, crossing off my list of to-do’s.* I felt so productive and I felt… just amazing!
This is what I know: when I am productive and get a lot done, I feel great about myself. When I don’t have a productive day, I feel lousy.
There is something wrong with this picture.
Why do I take my worth from ‘doing’?
Why do I not just take my worth from ‘being’?
We are measured by our works in the world. And it is hard to become free of that. Free of those expectations to do, do, do, and do even more.
Ah Lord. Here again, I sit before you, finally quiet after a busy day. Why can I not just be content ‘being’? Why am I so focussed on ‘doing’?
And what does your Word say?
Micah 6:8 reminds me “He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Hmmm… no mention of my to-do list here…)
Col.3:23 says that “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord…”
I know that God’s love for me is not dependent on what I do or what I get done. God loved me before my birth (Ps. 139).
Zeph.3:17 “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”
From this verse, one of my favourite ones, I take that no matter what, God delights in me! Even when I don’t cross anything off my to-do list. I just have to exist and God loves on me. He rejoices over me with singing! I love that image – isn’t that beautiful?
My worth is not from ‘doing’, but ‘being’ a beautiful, beloved child of God. I know this in my head. How do I get it to percolate deep down into my heart?
*I took the kids grocery shopping, unloaded the bags, made coffee for my father-in-law who was working on our house, cleaned up coffee (snack) break, did dishes, mowed the lawn, cleaned out the van, vacuumed the van (yahoo!), showered, made lunch, cleaned up from lunch, read to the kids, hit the Humane Society to drop off some newspaper, some poop-scoop bags, and food, picked up the key from the lawyers’ office for our new house (!!), took the kids to the wading pool, made our picnic supper and got everyone over to our new house for inaugural dinner on the deck, featuring ham & cheese sandwiches and potato salad.