In a small group recently, we were challenged to answer the question: Who is God for me right now?
I thought it would be easy, but I found that I had trouble sitting down to ponder and answer the question. I kept sitting down and not coming up with anything, and after a minute or so, I would just get up and get on with something else. So after several attempts, I decided that I would do things a little differently and so I closed my eyes to try to picture God. And what I saw, in my mind’s eye was a picture of Jesus, standing in whatever room I happened to be in, with his arms outstretched towards me. Then I wrote this in response:
He stands waiting, quietly, with so much
in his arms
in his heart
arms outstretched, to me.
I continuously run by
so intent and focused
on some random task on my never-ending to-do list.
I flit, I fly by his outstretched arms
how many times per day?
My Martha heart needs to be calmed.
I need my Mary heart to be found,
to be dug up from some deep corner of my soul.
I’m sure that many of you can relate to this feeling of tension between the Martha part of you and the Mary part. If you are like me, you feel as though the Martha part dominates most of the time. I think that our culture, our society and even our church, encourages the Martha complex. The productivity, the busy-ness, the efficiency, the ability to pack it all in! We lead busy, busy lives. And time is a precious commodity.
If you’re like me, you think, well, where do I find the time to sit and hang out with Jesus? To respond to his invitation?
But then I think back over my day, or over the course of the week, and I wonder
• How many times did I log into Facebook?
• How long did I spend researching random things on the Internet?
• How many times did I check my e-mail?
• Why does my computer sit so accessible on my kitchen table, but not my Bible?
• When I had 5 minutes, what did I choose instead of Jesus?
I desire to be more like Mary. But I question how. And if I’m serious about taking time to spend with Jesus, I think it means making some sacrifices in my life. It seems hard. But I believe it’s worth it.
I believe that the more time I spend in His presence, soaking in his love, the more I will be transformed, to be more like Him. And in that I will be able to better discern how to spend my Martha energy serving.