The phone call that shattered my day came around noon. An irate person on the other end of the phone gave me an earful… and more. Stunned by the ferocity of emotion that came from the receiver I was a bit taken aback. Lost for words. So I just listened to her tirade.

After I hung up, the adrenalin hit my system and I began to shake.  I couldn’t hold back the flood.

In my distress, I called a friend. I needed to tell someone, to share the absolute tidal surge of emotion that felt so overwhelming, the tsunami of tears that could not be contained.

One friend listened, and then prayed, right in the middle of a decor store where she was picking out tile for her new kitchen. (Bless you, friend! Would that I could be more concerned about a friend in need of prayer than the opinions of eavesdropping ears around me!) Another friend prayed over the phone as she was trying to get out the door somewhere. To have people to call, to have them pray for me… what an incredible gift.

The peace of Christ dwelt close to me today. On the verge of tears all day, I realize there is more to the story than I see. And I trust. I trust in Him to know the whole story, to work through the story all the way to the ending. It is a bittersweet place to be; in a place of hurt and distress, but also so closely held in the arms of the Saviour. My friends prayed me into that place. And I know that I was there because the Word says, “God is close to the brokenhearted” (Ps.34:18).

I also looked back at the Scriptures that I had highlighted during my morning quiet time. One was “Give thanks to the Lord, His love never quits.” (2 Chr.20:21) Absolutely. I can give thanks despite every circumstance because I know that His love never quits. The other one that was highlighted to me was from Heb.12:2 “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”  So I tried to fix my eyes on Jesus, not on my present circumstances nor the emotional upheaval rocking my world.

I was also reminded about last night when I was driving with my daughter. She was singing in the back seat, a song about not being anxious. The interesting thing was, she kept adding words, even though they were not part of the original song. I smiled to myself as she sang.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. That’s how the song goes. But then she added, “Do not worry about the next day after tomorrow, for that day has enough worries of its own…. Do not worry about the next day after the next day, for that day has enough worries of its own…. Do not worry about the next day after the next day after the next day….”

God was speaking to my heart. He knows how I can tend to worry. He was reminding me that each day comes with its own set of worries. I had no idea what was coming today, but He did. He knew my heart needed that reminder.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus  (Phil.4:6-7).

I believe it. I know it. God is so faithful!

At least.

Our pastor had preached on it this past Sunday. He implored us to read over the passage and then choose one, just one element to work on this week. The passage is so familiar that most of us could probably recite it in our sleep.

“Love is patient, love is kind…”

Yes, that amazing passage of Scripture, about love, in 1Cor 13.

So. I decided that it might help me to remember if I had it in front of my face daily, maybe somewhere on a wall. But as I was typing out the passage, (not before, nor after) but during the typing of one of the most quoted passages about love, I lost my temper at one of my children.

“Love is patient…”

The line stood out to me, and then blurred in front of my eyes…

Love is patient.

I am not.

My first thought was disappointment, in how I fail… daily. In how God must be disappointed in seeing me lose my patience again. But really, self-condemnation is not helpful. What is the point of berating oneself for the failure? That is where the enemy would love for me to stay, in those obsessive, defeated thoughts about how “I lose it…” or how “I’m just not good enough…”

Instead, I use it as a springboard into the realization that yes, this is a good reminder about why I need a Saviour. I must rely on Jesus to give me the patience that I need because I cannot find it on my own, within myself. My buttons are pushed in the daily grind. Pushed hard, it seems. Or else, my buttons are way too easy to push and they cave under the slightest provocation. (Yes, that’s probably more in line with the truth…. lol!)

I think I know which quality I will be focussing on this week….

Lord Jesus, forgive me for losing my patience…. again.  I so wish to be more like You. I want to be the embodiment of Love. Please strengthen my inner spirit today. I know that my spirit, joined with yours, is full of patience, kindness, gentleness, longsuffering, joy and peace.

I looked at this same verse in the Message to see if I could glean more insight: Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns met.

The very first word struck home as I was making myself a cup of tea for breakfast.  Steep… 

To steep: to soak in liquid in order to cleanse, soften or extract a given property form; to infuse or subject thoroughly to; to saturate.

I love this image!

The very first line about steeping my life in God-reality reminds me of Brother Lawrence practising the Presence of God  every day in each menial task he took on. In this, he found God, and the presence of God could saturate his entire day. I was reminded yesterday that God is always, always surrounding me. To steep my life in God-reality means to open myself up to find God in each and every moment. Because He is standing there waiting for me to notice him!

Steeping my life in God-initiative reminds me of a book study called Experiencing God by Blackaby. It’s the idea that God is always working in the world, and in people around us, and if we would only open our eyes and learn to recognize this, we could join God in touching people’s lives with His love. A version of recognizing God-initiative is ‘treasure-hunting’ that you can read about here. I have found that the Dunamis courses offered by PRMI also really focus on this idea of joining with God in where He is at work, rather than us deciding on our agenda, or our ministry.

And finally, steeping my life in God-provisions. I think that we in North America have the hardest time with this. I know I do. What do I really need God to provide for me when I have enough resources to meet my daily physical needs? This verse is talking about physical provision: clothing, food, etc. If we don’t need God to come through with physical provision, we won’t see it happen. I think we can learn a lot from others who have had to completely depend on God to provide even the basics of life. This video shows an example of a man who does just that.

Perhaps I’ll begin by steeping in God-reality… just imagining Him beside me and really trying to remember to talk to him as I go about my day. Perhaps you’ll join me?

All that matters is God’s opinion of me. All that matters are His priorities.

Or… so I tell myself as I say “yes” to yet another request for help.

And all of a sudden, I find that I am up to my eyeballs in responsibilities and “good things” I’ve taken on. I’m looking at my to-do list and my heart begins to panic just a bit. Breathe… just breathe, I remind myself.

As I was playing a game with my younger son today, he kept finding matches. I kept randomly turning over the same cards. My mind was obviously not on the present, but on … oh dear…. the  l o n g  list of things that need my attention.

Life is so full. But where do we find God? In the present.… not in “the list”…. turn a card, turn a card, turn a third…

….. need to head over to tidy up the unruly yard at the rental house… and the stray momma kitty in our guest room needs attention… … oooh, yes… nesting boxes…. need to get them in there so she has somewhere safe and comfy to give birth… my hubby just reminded me that we said ‘yes’ to caring for our friends’ dog in a month’s time. All of a sudden I have unsettling visions of 5 kittens + momma cat + our own kitty cat + border collie in one space…. probably need to send my cat to my parents’ house for a “holiday”…. 

My turn here. Ok, concentrate… he’s beatin’ the pants off me… so if I find God in the present, why does my mind choose to dwell on the list? …. One card, another card, a third card…. no match….

…I should have asked more questions before signing him up for tball on Saturdays for the summer. It’s more of a commitment than either my husband or I wanted to make… (sigh) During the recent worship ministry meeting I was reminded of how I need to be more diligent at taking things off our worship pastor’s overloaded plate… need to step it up there…. and … my commitment to the prayer ministry team? I need to reserve time in order to help others hear from God and get hearts healed…

Service to the Lord is good. Good… but what is it that God is truly calling me to? I need time to sit and listen for His voice, for His priorities, His best…. card, card, card…. no match…

…there are those herbs, still sitting in a mortar on the counter, awaiting more pounding and grinding in the granite bowl…. and dishes…. oh my… how is it that the dishes seem to multiply and never end despite several washings a day? … I did vacuum the rug yesterday, did I not? It already looks as though it needs it again… this unexpected burst of spring weather means the summer clothing bins are a mess… bins that have been pillaged for a tshirt or a pair of shorts for the glorious weather outside… clothing strewn about in the laundry room…. hmmm… thinking of clothing, the mending pile grows in a heap at the bottom of my bed while the winter coats lie in a pile at the bottom of the stairs awaiting washing…. need to sort through outgrown summer clothing and get it to BFM…

The never ending chores. It reminds me of that verse when Jesus tells the disciples that they will always have the poor…. we will always have the chores… *grin*…  so where should my priorities lie then? Col 3:2 reminds me to set my mind on things above, not on earthly things… card, card, card….

…and what should my role, my contribution be towards women’s ministry? … my small group continues to bat around ideas about women’s ministry that is sadly lacking at the present time in our church. We want to provide a place for other women to find community with each other and also with their loving Father who calls to them daily… again, what is God saying to me about this? My plate feels full… like, tipping-over-full right now…. the sheets that I printed out for our household binder… how many weeks ago did I do that and not get any further in putting it together??….or my best intentions of creating a more whole-food-less-sugar diet in our household…

And then all those other projects that sit mockingly on my to-do list after to-do list where I keep adding them (again) because they are not yet done… I need exercise… and tea time with hubby… time to plan for school… And I just yesterday received a letter from our local homeschool group that has asked for others to come forward and give time – they need help…. I need to help there, don’t I, Lord? 

I need to listen to His voice for His priorities for my life. Isn’t this the most important priority? And in order to listen to His voice, I need time. I need to carve that time out because it is completely necessary, absolutely crucial to listening to Him.

Deut.30:20 … and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land …

Here – Kari Jobe

We have a little guy needing some physical healing in his body. Lately, I have been standing on the promises of healing in Scripture as being for everyone; not just for a select few, not just for those with incredible faith, but that God would want us to experience healing, even physical healing, because He loves us. We have been praying for a number of years for our son to experience healing.

Last night, our young son stepped out in faith. My husband and I prayed for him before we went to bed as well. We expected to wake up and find him healed.

He woke up in the same situation as every morning.

I wondered what my response should be. I’ll be honest, I was pretty disappointed. My human nature wanted to ask  “Well God… why? Just why? He offered his mustard seed faith to you… why would you not heal him?”

He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you”    (Luke 17:6)

What about that ‘mustard seed faith’ God?

What about that little boy who offered to you his trust and his faith that you would touch and restore him in the way he needs to be restored?

The truth is, I have no answer. And in a way, this shook the platform that I have been trying to stand on recently. But… only slightly. Because the other thing that I have been learning has been to trust the Word of God above my own experiences or feelings. This is new for me. It is sometimes uncomfortable.

But I refuse to stand in my human nature. Instead I seek the Word of God to inform my head what to think.

The verse that came to mind was this one from Habukkuk:

Though the fig tree may not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,

And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,

And there be no herd in the stalls—

18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

19 The Lord God is my strength;

He will make my feet like deer’s feet,

And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Yet… rejoice. Even though…. yet I will rejoice.

I’m trying to stand in this new stance of complete trust in God, and in His Word and the promises that I find there. Because I know that even though we still have not seen the results that we want to see, God heals. I know He does ’cause I’ve seen it.

And when I shared my disappointment and lack of understanding with a friend today, she wisely and gently suggested that perhaps there is more learning to be done here. That perhaps my young son might even be learning something through this experience, something that might one day help him to serve God in an amazing way.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways”, declares the Lord.   (Is.55:8)

I trust in this Word from God. Even if it means not seeing the figs on the trees, fruit on the vines, or healing in my son. I still have faith that I will see it come to pass.

We faced each other, and shared words. We took turns listening. There were tears… on both sides. But in the end?

Sweet, sweet reconciliation.

Yesterday I awoke with bruised heart and a burden on my shoulders.

This morning?   Joy. Complete and utter joy.

I just knew there would be a ‘chapter 2′ to the story.

I happened to be with two amazing women of God, faithful prayer warriors during the afternoon. I shared a bit about the pain in my heart due to the situation I had found myself in. We went to Jesus in prayer.  We asked Him to remove the pain that was in my heart.  I knew that I did not want just a bandage, nor a stitching up of the wound; I wanted my heart to be fully restored.  Wholly healed and restored. In the quiet after our prayer, I could feel no more pain. There was nothing there that I could sense. Just a peace within.

Please understand, this was not a repressing of my hurt, or a suppression of the pain. This was not a “I-will-forgive-and-forget” kind of mind game I was playing. I asked Jesus to come and touch my wounded heart, to fully remove anything that was lodged there, and replace it with his spirit and his love.  And He did.  The pain was totally gone.

I am so thankful for the sweet gift of reconciliation, the restoration of a relationship that could have been destroyed.

All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation… 

(2 Cor.5:18)

Filed under: Faith, Healing ]]> https://murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/reconciliation/feed/ 3 krekker https://murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com/2013/04/18/betrayed/ https://murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com/2013/04/18/betrayed/#comments Fri, 19 Apr 2013 01:58:36 +0000 krekker http://murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com/?p=2470 ]]> Yesterday I was wounded right in the heart.

I literally felt raw…    vulnerable…

and completely and totally stunned and sideswiped by a friends’ comments about me. She didn’t know I had heard because she hadn’t intended to have me hear them.

I wanted to withdraw in order to lick my wounds. Except that I couldn’t quite reach them. But I knew Someone who could.

I went to my heavenly Father, knowing that he specializes in heart wounds.

I looked at the picture of Jesus on my wall, right in the eyes, before drifting off to sleep.

“Jesus… you know how I feel. You too, have been wounded, dreadfully wounded by your friends. In your hour of greatest need, they fled in order to save their own skins. A few hours later, you even overheard one of them deny completely that he even knew you… That must have hurt terribly.”

I knew that Jesus understood a great hurt by a friend, a betrayal.

I also looked at the Scripture that I had written down that morning. God had known what I would face during my day and I wondered in hindsight, how these words applied to my situation:

1 Cor.2:12-13, 16    We have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words…. But we have the mind of Christ.

I have the Spirit who is from God. The spirit of the world says one thing…but the Spirit says something different.

I understand what God has freely given me.  God has given me complete reconciliation to him through his Son. He has reached down when I was at my worst and offered me grace. He offered forgiveness for all the crap things I have done. All of them. And there is no way to repay God for such a debt.

I am not to speak in words taught me by human wisdom. Because those words are not good enough. Even if they are “nice”, even if they are “good” words, there is something greater: words taught by the Spirit.

Yes, I wanted to speak out words not in my own human wisdom, but in words of the Spirit. (I didn’t have those words quite yet.)

But also I have been given the mind of Christ. And what is the mind of Christ like?

I believe the mind of Christ is one stayed on things eternal, focussed on the Father and the will of the Father. And what is the will of the Father? I believe it to be healing, hope and reconciliation.

This morning I again picked up my Bible to help me deal with the fall out from yesterday. This is the verse I found:

2 Cor.2:5-11: If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me [Paul] as he has grieved all of you, to some extent – not to put it severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him…. And what I have forgiven – if there was anything to forgive – I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

Yikes-a-bunga. Yowie, powie! This must have been written about a similar situation…. over 2000 years ago!  And in those words I did realize the suffering of my friend. For after she realized her error, she truly was overcome with incredible sorrow. I knew because she left me a phone message, and an email (which I was not quite ready to listen to/read  yet in the painful space I found myself in).  I had my answer of what I had to do: forgive.

Forgive as Christ forgave me.

When Jesus forgave, did He say, “If you.……..then I’ll forgive you”?   No.

He cried out from the cross, in the greatest agony a human being has suffered, in his hour of darkest darkness: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”

I have the mind of Christ. I have the Spirit of Christ within. I needed to forgive, no holds barred.

May this be a reminder to us all, me included, about how words can wound. May we choose our words carefully. May they be words full of grace, full of love. May we not speak maliciously behind others’ backs, not even in our minds. May we instead think the best of others. When we have those nasty thoughts, perhaps that could be our reminder to bless that person instead.

I believe this story is not yet over. There is another chapter to be written….

We are waiting.  {impatiently waiting?!}  We are awaiting the sun… the warmer breaths of those sweet breezes that speak of a new season. So far, it hasn’t felt like spring in the least.

But does this mean it is not spring?

I think we humans often rely on our senses or emotions to tell us what is true. According to my eyes this past week, would I have believed it to be spring? When I witnessed the lashing ice and snow and broken branches? When I couldn’t see the little plants reaching up out of the earth for the snow that covered their little heads? According to my ears, the wind sounded wintery. And according to the feel of the cold wind on my face, I would not have thought ‘spring’. My senses told me it was still winter.

Yet, what is the truth?

The truth is: it is spring.

No matter what our senses tell us or what our feelings tell us, the truth remains.

So why is it that we rationalize God, that we limit God, that we even judge God based on our feelings and our emotions?  Even when it is supposed to be spring, and it feels like winter, we are to hang on to what we know is true. Because there is a bigger Truth.

Let me give you an example. When we are children, we learn the song Jesus Loves Me. We believe it. We know it to be true – Jesus does love us! Of course He does! Why wouldn’t he? And then, somehow over the years we internalize other messages. We are hurt, we stumble, we mess up, and we think, “Wow. How can Jesus love me? I’m such a screw up! I’m not walking with Him anymore. He can’t love me….”

Do you know what the Bible says?  Rom.8:37-38 says  “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus”   Not only that, but if you look at the Bible as a whole, you will see that the entire thing is the story of a loving God, desperately trying to speak to humans, to reach out to us, to let us know He is there, and finally, to provide His own Son as a sacrifice so that we can be brought back to a restored relationship with Him.

I just got back from a walk. Around me I saw evidence of the new season: brave little flowers pushing up out of the cold earth, birds singing from the tops of trees, advertising their beauty and strength, birds carrying twigs and grasses to build nests, and buds on trees. The birds and the plants are behaving according to the truth.

I think I can learn something from them.

Reblogged from Heart Murmurs:

I feel worn thin… even at my edges.

Perhaps you can relate today?

This song sent by a friend, really spoke to me. I am hanging onto it today, in the place I find myself in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUEy8nZvpdM